Another lesson learnt

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster ride for me. I have gone through every emotion possible. As I went home on Friday I was eager to get to my baby, and yet aware how the environment was not the best for her. Yet I wanted to stick it out.

There is trully a thin line between love and hate. I watched as the man I respected and cared for crossed that line. Living with him had become a nightmare but for the sake of the kids i had stuck it out. Friday it all came crashing down. Any hope and respect that i had left went out the window. He came home in a bad mood and shouted about how the i had not packed the groceries away. I looked at him, and looked at my baby and decided not to engage. I packed them away and went off to put my baby to bed. When she was asleep i decided to reach out and find a compromise to these living arrangement. That is when all hell broke loose.

I watched as the man who i thought loved me nearly broke my arm and told me how he was trying to drive me to suicide. i watched him tie me up and drag me across the floor on my 10 week pregnant belly. I watched as he head butted me and force me too fall on my head. I watched him choke me until i was unable to move. All i could do was cry. I picked up the phone and called the police and that is when he finally let go. He let go physically but he continued to batter me with his words.

I have always put myself last. Every emotion and everyday, my needs have been the last to be tabled and heard. And yes, several times i had contemplated suicide. To then hear confirmation that this was the agenda from the get go was eye opening. It made me realise that I was worth more than this. I was better than this and deserved better.

I like many women have endured extreme abuse. But we keep going back for more and we get more. Abuse is real. I have been made to feel like i am worth nothing and believe no woman on earth deserves such treatment.